...trust?

Trust is a noun that means....reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Trust is an important part of everyone's everyday life...we all trust that the Lord will allow us to see another day whn we go 2 sleep...we all trust that those that we love and care about will feel da same way about us...

But what about when they dont??....

I met a girl like dat once in my life! She has trouble not only trusting ppl but simply believing the simple things that people tell em....da person that made them this way is steadily in and out of that person's life...he is there long enough to make it seem as if things cud be ok again and he makes it seem as if he is there for for her again again...he tells her all of the things that made her head over heels in the first place...but as soon as she begins to get comfortable and thinks that shyt aint bad as it seems...he does that thing that hurts her all over again and she is back to not trusting the next man...he takes her heart and does with it as he pleases he seeks control of her and the whole time she is strung alone made to believe that he really cares and she even begins to like bein treated in this way...she finds herself not liking ppl that look to plz her and treat her the way she shud b treated...her trust is shot and it lives with him....a fuckd up situation that is almost impossible to escape so she simply accepts it and though she doesnt realize...forgets to live her life because she trusts that he will be there to live her life for her....

Biggest Word Ever...

L-O-V-E

So....I was thinkin like how does love work....you love a person right but I mean I have been in love and have actually had sex with someone else knowing that I was very much in love....and at the same time I found out the person I was in love with that was also in love wit me was unfaithful 2....soooo if w love each other....why are we able to do shyt like this??....how does it feel so damn good when you fuckn sumthn but whn you find out that da person u love is doin da same type shyt it hurts and you ready 2 kill sumbody?!...da shyt is crazy 2 me....like how do ppl jus be in love and walk out like nothin even matters nd leave da otha person wonderin like where they went wrong...dat shyt is a puzzle to me and I feel like...how true is love if all of these things can be done when a person is in love?...at da end of a day it got a nigga feelin like FUK LOVE...!!

I wud rather....

I wud rather txt than tlk....
I wud rather laugh den cry....
I wud rather love den hate...
I wud rather drive den walk...
I wud rather drink than smoke....
I wud rather b black den white...
I wud rather break up den cheat...

I feel like...if a person cant be 100% all da way into sumthn den y do it? why pull sum1 into sumthn 2 jus hurt em? sure dey may b hurt by da fact tht they dnt hav you at that point but how much easier is that to deal with than to find out that the person you love is fukn wit sumbody else?...jus thoughts!..i wud rather break up den cheat!...not sayin i wud but cheatin is beyond tlkn 2 another person i dnt wanna cheat a person i care about....cheat them of their time or effort whn im not deserving of either....

Farewell South Beach!!

...soo tonite was mah las nite in Miami!! I must say I had fun for the most part....the beach was fun! We were drunk most of the time we were here!! I was a little disappointed with the nightlife tho!! Clubs was high as fuk and da ones we went to were waaaaaccckkkk!!! Da guhs were beautiful most of em anyway....slept like 12 deep in a 2 bed room every nite whn it was originally 5 niggas!! But its coo cuz I fuk wit dem boys! We slept like 3 hours a nite and ate about 1 meal a day!! But tht was coo too...da liquor was filling...it wasnt really much conflictthe whole time we was hur amongst each otha...but we did see a man get stabbed to death on da strip...shyt was crazy!! But hey da trip was gud...much needed getaway!! Im ready to go home tho!!...bye bye vacation!!

Got Me Walkin On Da Moon.....

And I know it's not just the song (And I know it's not just the song)

And I know it's not just the drink (And I know it's not the drink)

But whatever it might be (Whatever it might be)

Just keep holdin on to me (OOH!)

Cause I'll pull down a cloud for you

I'll circle the stars and bring you one back

I'll walk through the sun for you

Cause there's somethin you do

That got me walkin on the moon (Uhh)

There's something you do That got me walkin on the moon (Uhh)

And I know that it's true baby

You got me walkin on the moon!

{Trill song!! And just reminded me of me!! I'll pull down a cloud fa u!! Its sumthn u do...dat got me wlkn on da moon!! When I told myself I wasnt bout attachments after last time I find myself back in the same situation....I try to stop it...but no matter what I try nd do to detour it....it jus feel like we get closer nd closer!!}

Damn...Can I Afford Dis?!

The place is nice...there is even new furniture already in it...the walls are new and clean...the rooms are big and spacious!! I enjoy myself everytime I step into the place!! It seems like I can always find something new in it that draws me closer!! But its almost so nice that im afraid to kick off mah shoes and get comfortable when I get inside....becuz I dnt know when sumbody else will be comin to try to move in...not sayin that the place likes lots of owners but I feel like if I cant buy it all now someone will...I know that I cant jus keep "testin" da place fa free and I really dnt want 2 but I kno I am in no position to own the place right now...mayb the place knows this too and is ok with it...I am almost sure the place knows this and mayb it feels like I am the one that can one day be the owner and will jus let me rent right now instead of paying for it all at once...hope so!!

This Aint Da Place Fa Me!!....

So...

A relationship is supposed 2 be happy and full of love?...What about when its not? What do you do?....what about when you go from loving one another to simply hating each otha...what do you do? Move on? Nahh it aint dat easy!! I mean it could seem right at first but what about whn you see that person you invested so much time and energy into wit somebody else?...its gon kill u!! So maybe you shud just try n make it work huh?? Nahh....see cuz when you do dat..u find ya self living in something that isnt real....just something that you are trying to make....!! U try and mask the problems that exist by doin things like having sex...but as soon as it is over you are right back to the realization that you are not happy and that your perfect relationship is not real..you arguing all over again....its all just a result of you being afraid to realize whats really real!! And the sooner you do realize and believe the truth.....the more of a favor you will be doing to both of you! Does it have to be the end..no not at all but it isnt fair to eitha one on the ppl if u stay in sumthn that u r not happy in...!!

20 Years!!

I been alive 20 years....

Seems like foreva but dey also seemed 2 fly by....its a blessing to be hurr dis long and I came so far from where I started...never thought I woulda been in college in NYC...its crazy! I am thankful however...I have grown into something that my mother can be proud of...been thru more than you could imagine and learned enough to make me into what I see as a hell of a person...so many 20 year old people are doin nothing with themselves and im just happy that im not one of em!!...HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 ME!!

...The Place

Somewhere we went wrong....

Jus loved strong and quicky fell.....but now we find ourselves stuck!! Stuck n a place where we wanna be but at the same time it is a place we really jus shudnt be....We stay stuck in this place because it is how shyt is "suppposed" to be....it is home....we are comfortable....we force ourselves to redecorate this place so that it feels brand new and we try to stick it out n make this place enjoyable again....but it is too late cuz the damaged foundation has caused the floors to shift and the walls to crack and its quite simple 2 see that this place has seen its best days!! So at the end of the day u realize....places get old and if you continue 2 stay stuck you will jus watch the place crumble down on u!! Time to not fear movin to a new place!!

Guhfriend...Boyfriend? Da Fuk U Mean!?

So...

Who ever said that the whole boyfriend/guhfriend thing was suppose to exist!? What is it...? It aint a marriage but yet you can't see other people!?....Its a friendship but something more....!? It involes things that are made for married people like sex! But remember you aint married!? It involves "cheating" but how you cheat on someone you aint married to?! Da shyt is a fake marriage made by society....I believe that this is not the way that society is supposed 2 b....! It is no way that when God created us(humans) he intended for us to live a life full of "mock marriages"...if you stop and thing about it....you would think da same...wtf is a boyfriend besides a friend of the male gender that it is ok to have sex wit!?...da shyt a trip!

In other countries that we criticize for women not having freedom.....they are probably actually doin what was meant to be done....they have a husband picked for them and that is that!...they don't have these fake marriages that are full of lies n sex....they dnt fuck different people all their lives.....!!

The shyt is crazy because we could never think of a society without these fake ass couples that we make....they are really nothing more den sex which leads to strong feelings for a person so when they do something like talk to another person of da opposite sex it hurts the feelings of that person n eventually leads to the breakup of the fake ass marriage and within days or weeks you are looking for the next "mock marriage"!!

Another abnormal "norm" within our society!!

*B-WIL*

25 Things u May R May Not Kno Bout Me

1. I LOVE RETRO JORDANS
2. Im a shoe fein period...
3. I wear Fordham clothes mo den anythng else!!
4. I eat alot of FRENCH FRIES...
5. I like dark guhs lmao!!
6. I have had 5 phones n 2 yrs!
7. I love skippin class lol...
8. I cheat on tests!
9. I hate goin home...
10. I love jiggn at parties!!
11. I fuk wit mah niggas n nobody else!
12. I eat a cinnamon raisin bagel Monday thru Friday!
13. I sleep wit 2 ppl n mah twin bed too much!
14. I neva had relations wit a whyte guh lmao...
15. I got a elephant memory!
16. I been had da same roomate since July 1 2007 n we dumb coo!!
17. I hate mah nigga Jay...
18. Me n mah niggas take ova parties!
19. Im not into Dallas clubs no mo!
20. I love 2 write!!
21. I regret things n mah past!!
22. I am slightly racist...
23. I want sum mo golds!
24. I neva wanna stop playn football!!
25. Im glad I made it to 25!

Hoes....Fuckn Jus 2 Fuck?!?!

So...

Me n few friends was havin a rather "intellectual" conversation....

I realized dat we as society are pretty fuckd up....look at dis scenario....let's say I got a guh and she aint neva fuckd no nigga but me....but she cheats n fucks someone behind my back...in my mind and most any male's mind....she is an automatic hoe...? But why? She only has 2 bodies! And niggas kno aint many of us 20 years old wit under 10!? So ya kno who's the hoe ya kno??...

Niggas fuck 2 fuck all da time....but when a guh say sumthn bout jus fuckn to fuck I think...damn she a hoe...ya kno...n i wud neva fuck wit ha on dat wifey level..ya kno?!...but its coo fa us as niggas 2 do it...dat shyt a trip....

Jus anotha example of abnormal shyt becoming normative in our society....shyt crazy!!

Thoughts.....

As I sit back and think....

I picture myself being shot...maybe its guilt for the sins I committed? Who knows....i know that the lord watches over me and will keep from this hurt and harm....but i am troubled by these thoughts that i have....i sometimes think i am crazy....back in my days where me and my bros used to do any and everything and be out all night i would find myself driving home not getting next to anyone because i felt that everyone had the potential to harm me...i now still even find myself always staying extra aware even when I'm driving in my own hood at night...i worry about my mom and sister when they are out at night as well...i feel like this is an unhealthy way to go around living my life....but it is just another thing that society has done...its so easy to get a gun...and i been young and dumb before i know how people who feel that they are invincible think...they feel like they can go around nd do whatever it is that they want...and i mean i look at t.i. and the situation he was in...older people say he dumb....da young people say he gangsta!! But me i feel like dude just trying to live...he seen his best friend die beacause a muhfucka wanted to kill him...so nahh i don't blame dude...i would have a arsenal of weapons too!! But i know one thing is sure and wont never change no matter how cautious and aware i am...what is meant to be will be in life and it aint shyt that me, you, a gun, or even t.i. change about that!! When its our time to go we gon go....just gotta make sure u live right while ya here and maybe there will be a better life in store for ya where guns and violence have and will never exist!!

Up Early In Da Mornin....

So....

I'm up earlier den I have been dis whole break....guess cuz im goin back.... :-)
Funny how things change....had you told me I would like bein away at skoo rather than be home wit mah niggas i'da called you a fool but i guess its just a part of growing up......I mean I still got love for all my niggas home but I mean I dnt seem to think the way I used to...I look back over my life and the things I once found fun like ridin around at all times of the night just doin nuthn but terrorizing the streets...they are just not things that are fun to me anymore...I look and think damn we was stupid...beatin ppl ass fa nuthn on busy streets for anyone to see...I really dnt know how I made it to skoo that summer lol.....but I did and I guess thats all that matters...glad things change!! I'm a better person...well gotta head to the airport!!

1/8/09

My First Blog

I mean I was bored tonight so I decided I wanted to write. I didn't just wanna talk to people I kinda wanted to keep like a "journal" in my life.....

So I decided to come here....

Well...Where to start?
I am currently on break from school...hating it! So ready to go back to school!! I miss my girl...!! I miss just being in my own domain!!...I mean it's just really nothing home anymore!! Most of my niggas play ball so they are really never here for long when I come home...and sure there are girls to chill with but for what??.....They really just don't appeal to me like they did when I was in high school...hopefully it's a good thing!!

But any who....
I do not understand the human race at times....
I mean we do things in life that simply degrade the hard work of others....you can look at this from many perspectives...but I wanna look at it when I talk about CHEATING.....now I use the term in a loose way...immediately when we think of cheating we think of infidelity....but not only am I speaking of that but I am speaking on other forms as well....I mean what motivated me to write this is a call I got from my cousin who is a grown, independent, hard-working, good money-making, single mother (by choice)......she called my mother in a horrified state speaking of how she had gotten home and when she walked in she realized her garage door as well as her front door was open...someone had been in her house cheating her for what she works so hard for everyday...I immediately got upset because I felt like this is just not something that is supposed to happen to good people....they earn a honest wage and someone walks in their home and steals from them it is fucked up!! The state of our society is fucked up...people are cheated for their lives daily in our society...and I mean why? If you are so sick that you feel the need to kill...point the gun at your own sick ass face....I mean I do not understand the world we live in....we grind and work all of our lives for what? A number on a piece of paper known as a "bank statement"? I mean is that a real end? I do not believe so...sure you may be happy and satisfied when your "bank statement" has digits! But while you are happy there are others unhappy because they do not have this...and you know what they do when they cannot think of any way to get their "bank statement" digits up....they cheat...they start taking from others....they sell impurities to other human beings like me and you and they receive "happiness" from this so called end....but little did they know...them digits can only make a man so happy....before he finds himself in more trouble than before....it is an on-going cycle...there is no "end" in those digits that we call "money" we are better off just trying to make an honest living and living in a righteous way....instead of cheating in life....sooner or later the cheater becomes the cheated....and we start the cycle over again.....GOODNIGHT