Dreams...Who Got Em?

So...I been thinking a lot lately. And today while driving home i turned the music down and just thought to myself...I thought you know everybody I know wants to "make it" or "be rich." That being said...why are there so many people who do not "make it?" I mean I really cannot think of an answer to that question because it cannot be a lack of desire or dedication because I have seen people work towards something an put every ounce of energy into something and at the end of the day, they still come up short. I know that I wanna "make it" I have too many reasons and people I have to do it for...my family...my girl...and myself! I do not know the formula and I am not sure that one even exists...

But...I just gotta "make it." Some how...some way...things happen to me all the time that I never would have thought could as far as success is concerned. I have achieved more than a lot of my peers and it really shows me that its not even really about dedication and desire its more about the time being right...being right with the Lord...and just doing what you know and feel....I JUST GOTTA "MAKE IT"

Please Don't Be Scared of Meee...

Fear: noun; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or threat....

I can't say that I have no fear because that just would not be realistic. But fear is something that we all stare in the face...though we may not like to admit is fear is something real and it lives in each in every one of us. We change the way we live because of the things that we fear...talking to a girl and talking about something pretty serious and I tell her the reality of the entire situation and she gets mad at me and says that she does not want to hear it....now what that does I do not know...we fear knowing? Like the people who say well if 2012 was real I wouldn't wanna know....why not? Fear? Yes...

I want to know everything that there is to know and I want to face each fear that I have. God doesn't make mistakes therefore, each and everything that happens is for a reason...and to be quite honest...whether we know or hide from what we fear knowing...what is going to happen is going to happen regardless...we all must face adversities in our lives but I think I look to better myself in facing that adversity by living my life and looking fear in the face...for the girl that didn't want to hear it...if it's true it will happen whether you hear it from me or see it for yourself...

Car..Train…Paper Plane?

The thinnest line in life is the line between love and hate. I can honestly say that I have loved girls. None of them have been the same yet they have each served the same purpose in my life.

The first was just something young…I compare it to a young drivers first car…usually not new…ur not the first owner…sure you love it but the moment you scratch it or the paint chips…or mane even a dent…everything goes south…you don't wash it anymore…you don't take the time to maintain it…you just think that it will always just be there for you when you need it…you go outside to start it up and it doesn't start…you wonder what went wrong…you are crushed because ur first car the one that you thought would be with you through anything…the one who knew about everything…the one that was supposed to always just be there no matter what has quit…what do you do then…? Me…I mean I don't really know what I did…i relied on my friends for a while…using them to have fun…sure a companion was missing from my life but it didn't matter if I just stayed busy and didn't think about my "car". Eventually I was able to move to New York where I could quickly get over it because there were many means of "transportation" no need for that old beat up first "car" anymore.

The second..I compare a lot to the city bus…plain…not the most luxurious mean of transportation…reliable…easy to get to…always there..never out of reach…and always right on time…the bus was like my new thing…it got me to where I needed to be…there were plenty of adventures along the way…it didn't cost me too much and I mean it was a good experience each time I boarded…the bus was willing to taken me anywhere i wanted to go…there was nowhere the bus would not take me…I could go anywhere on the bus…but I didn't appreciate the bus…I was on the bus looking out the window and saw people my age, wearing the same kicks and fitteds as me driving luxury cars! So in my mind im thinking damn…he got that…I need that!! So I went to the car lot…this time I was getting that new thing! The one with the leather seats and chrome wheels that nobody has even test driven and if your stacks ain't right..don't even look at it…my money was right so that new "luxury car" was copped!!

So…new luxury joint copped….im loving it..the way those new leather seats that were only touched by the maker just embrace my body when I sit down. The way that new air conditioner that has only been turned on before it left the factory just "blows" so good and cools my hot body down on a warm New York summer day…it made ditching that bus all worth it! My friends dig the new whip…they could never see me on the bus again…I could never see myself getting out this whip either…let another nigga be gripped by my leather seats? I think not…im riding till the end…then I wake up one night to my alarm going off because somebody jealous and trying to steal my "luxury" evidently they got scared off because no one was there when I looked…so I went and spent some time with my "luxury car"..I let her know I'd never leave her and with me she can't lose. I knew she understood me cause when I started her up she rode like never before…we were on top of the world…there were those days I thought about when I used to ride the bus…those days I would follow the bus and see where it was going…then I'd remember…fuck that bus…been there…now I got the new shit…that shit that only I got…I treated my "luxury car" better than I knew I could…took her on drives with just me and her…bought her new mats…and even threw away the factory chromes for some bigger rims…she never knew she would have an owner this good and just waited for the day till I forgot to caress her steering wheel the right way…the first time I did…she was gone!…went to start her up and she said nothing…I tried to talk but she wasn't hearing me…left devastated…the only thing I have known to get me around is gone!…where do I go..? Each day I go out and I put the key into the ignition and I wait to hear something back…only to be ignored…my "luxury car" that I had relied on to always be there…is just not…damn…the bus never did that to me but I surely did that to the bus…karma is a bitch but I know one day my "luxury car" will be back to normal…just put her in the shop…hopefully she don't need to much work…I gotta get back on the road!

Love is crazy…I have loved…I say I wish I haven't at times…but I am grateful..one for the experience I have gotten as a "traveler" and another because I can honestly say I learned something different with every "vehicle" I "traveled" in.

...trust?

Trust is a noun that means....reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Trust is an important part of everyone's everyday life...we all trust that the Lord will allow us to see another day whn we go 2 sleep...we all trust that those that we love and care about will feel da same way about us...

But what about when they dont??....

I met a girl like dat once in my life! She has trouble not only trusting ppl but simply believing the simple things that people tell em....da person that made them this way is steadily in and out of that person's life...he is there long enough to make it seem as if things cud be ok again and he makes it seem as if he is there for for her again again...he tells her all of the things that made her head over heels in the first place...but as soon as she begins to get comfortable and thinks that shyt aint bad as it seems...he does that thing that hurts her all over again and she is back to not trusting the next man...he takes her heart and does with it as he pleases he seeks control of her and the whole time she is strung alone made to believe that he really cares and she even begins to like bein treated in this way...she finds herself not liking ppl that look to plz her and treat her the way she shud b treated...her trust is shot and it lives with him....a fuckd up situation that is almost impossible to escape so she simply accepts it and though she doesnt realize...forgets to live her life because she trusts that he will be there to live her life for her....

Biggest Word Ever...

L-O-V-E

So....I was thinkin like how does love work....you love a person right but I mean I have been in love and have actually had sex with someone else knowing that I was very much in love....and at the same time I found out the person I was in love with that was also in love wit me was unfaithful 2....soooo if w love each other....why are we able to do shyt like this??....how does it feel so damn good when you fuckn sumthn but whn you find out that da person u love is doin da same type shyt it hurts and you ready 2 kill sumbody?!...da shyt is crazy 2 me....like how do ppl jus be in love and walk out like nothin even matters nd leave da otha person wonderin like where they went wrong...dat shyt is a puzzle to me and I feel like...how true is love if all of these things can be done when a person is in love?...at da end of a day it got a nigga feelin like FUK LOVE...!!

I wud rather....

I wud rather txt than tlk....
I wud rather laugh den cry....
I wud rather love den hate...
I wud rather drive den walk...
I wud rather drink than smoke....
I wud rather b black den white...
I wud rather break up den cheat...

I feel like...if a person cant be 100% all da way into sumthn den y do it? why pull sum1 into sumthn 2 jus hurt em? sure dey may b hurt by da fact tht they dnt hav you at that point but how much easier is that to deal with than to find out that the person you love is fukn wit sumbody else?...jus thoughts!..i wud rather break up den cheat!...not sayin i wud but cheatin is beyond tlkn 2 another person i dnt wanna cheat a person i care about....cheat them of their time or effort whn im not deserving of either....

Farewell South Beach!!

...soo tonite was mah las nite in Miami!! I must say I had fun for the most part....the beach was fun! We were drunk most of the time we were here!! I was a little disappointed with the nightlife tho!! Clubs was high as fuk and da ones we went to were waaaaaccckkkk!!! Da guhs were beautiful most of em anyway....slept like 12 deep in a 2 bed room every nite whn it was originally 5 niggas!! But its coo cuz I fuk wit dem boys! We slept like 3 hours a nite and ate about 1 meal a day!! But tht was coo too...da liquor was filling...it wasnt really much conflictthe whole time we was hur amongst each otha...but we did see a man get stabbed to death on da strip...shyt was crazy!! But hey da trip was gud...much needed getaway!! Im ready to go home tho!!...bye bye vacation!!